I would firstly like to apologize for the latest blog drought :/ i wasn't feeling inspired the last few days and when i tried to "force" a blog it just did not work out >.<
So 2 days ago was Halloween, i don't really celebrate it but its a time where you scare others with costumes and masks. So this got me thinking what do i fear most. If you asked me this question 10 years ago i would have said the dark/ zombies/ ghosts/ my mum (my mum still scares me now). However over the years i have acquired some knowledge and hence no longer scared of these trivial ideas. I then complied a list of the things i fear most....
1. Love with its many ramifications
2. Growing up
3. Failure
LOVE
So love... it terrifies me on so many levels. There are a selected few in the world that i love, and this scares me the feeling of vulnerability. Where if they left my life... My world would come crumbling down. How they control my future/ emotions.
An other thing that is more of a sub heading to this is kissing :3 ( Obviously this applies to the love between your other half) . But todays i was having a DnM and discussing KISSING =) because yes ihaveneverbeenkissed *coughs* hehehehehe so ANYWAYS!~ I have seen in it real life, in movies and stuff like that, but never experienced it. AND WITH 100% HONESTY from people who have experienced it, i haven't had the most positive feedback >.
I also have never felt heart break, but the number of blogs/novels/songs all on heartbreak makes me scared, im not sure if i would survive the whole ordeal.
Growing Up
Having to look after myself? standing alone. No one to help me.... Sometimes i want to fly to never-land~ and remember the times of primary school =) with weekly spelling tests and colouring in projects ^^ the simplicity <3 heehee ="D">spontaneous lollies was like..... SO GREAT like it would be soooo yummy and the amount of joy <3>
Failure
Not to sound boastful, but so far with my 16 yrs and 9 months on this earth i am happy whit my achievements. But lately it seems like there is so much i need to do and i must succeed in everything
- Friendship
- School academics
- Health/ fitness
- Religion
- Social Justice
All these things i must "succeed" but what if i dont? what if i fail one of them? Some on them there is no "retest"
What is it that all these experiences have in common?
They are all yet to be experienced they are all the Unknown.
So I fear what i dont know.....
But if i did not experience the "unknown" i wouldn't have met you and fallen in love, so maybe this is just a roller coaster. I maybe scared at first but once its over, you wonder why you even considered not going on it.
Fear - not something to dred or thing negatively towards, But something you should look forward to, where you can experience new things, meet new people, feel new emotions.
I was once scared, but i did it anyways, then the most wonderful thing walked into my life, and now i fear what would have happened if i had never done it.
