Sleeping

Last night i had another dream or rather ANOTHER nightmare.

Im not going to mention the exact people in the dream so i shall use fake names.

************************************************

Im walking to the station after school with my friend Amelia

Shes talking about music and the things she likes.

The she invites me to her youth on Friday

I accept the invitation, but then Amelia says:

" Oh sorry maybe you shouldn't come Terry is there and she really doesn't like you"

I kind of step back and say " WHAT? But Terry doesn't even know me, Ive only talked to her like twice"

Amelia says in a very calm tone " I'm sorry Lauren, but you have that kind of reputation everywhere"

***************************************************** 

Then I Woke up.

It took me a good hour to comprehend my dream, as i was confused it was reality.

Many people want their " dreams to come true"


However, if i keep on having dreams like this is hope they NEVER come true.

Impressions

Do you remember when people used to say

"Don't judge people before you meet them"

Now i say..

"Don't Judge people before you've read their blog"

Blogs/ tumblrs are perfect tools for procrastination :)
And they allow you into the inner thoughts of either friend or a stranger =)

Reading the inner thoughts of a person, and reading their ramblings as they pour their heart out on a web page.

Special note to: 

Bill- I love reading your tumblr everyday =) it makes my day filling me with thought  provoking questions and statements.  As i read your tumblr to know a bit more about you =)

Kyla- Your blog makes me LOL :) i find my self smiling like a retard when i read your cute/ humorous posts ^^

So read a blog it might just make your day ♥.

Got to catch them all

 

Be my Pikachu

And i will be your Ash 

We will be an unstoppable team

You and I can fight anything

Even Team rocket

I will be there to protect you

Look after you

Have fun with you

and most of all...

Love you. 

Together we will travel

Make new friends

Collect new badges

Train our Pokemon

You and I

Together

as

Best friends 

♥

Torture

I find my self wondering back onto your
- Facebook
- Blogger
- Tumblr
- Formsspring
 And the first thing i look at is your relationship status...

Why?

Probability

Today i had to wait for my mum for about an hour. So i was bored trying to do my economics homework- but with the amount of distractions around me i could not concentrate. So i took out my wallet and took out a 20 cent coin. I ran my fingers over its irregular surface, as i proceeded to flipped the coin mindlessly in the air.

Toss~
Catch....
Toss~
Catch...
Toss~
Catch....

I found my self repeating the same repetitive actions......



Toss~
Catch....
Toss~
Catch...
Toss~
Catch....


Until i began to ask myself questions in my head such as...

- If this is tails I miss ______ .
- If this is heads i was a terrible friend to _____ .
- If this is heads i should apologize to ______ .
- If this is tails i still have feelings for ______ .
- If this is heads it was mistake to reject ______.


When in my heart i knew the answers to these questions- I knew what they were, i knew the answer hidden deep down in my heart.
However When i was flipping the coin i always wanted it to be the opposite to what i felt.
Because i was as not happy with my answers i wanted to change them i wanted to change life. With some wishful thinking i though i could stupidly change it.

After my little flipping session i put the coin back into my wallet.... along with all those fake answers to my already-answered questions.

Life isn't Dependant on chance.
You cant make decisions by flipping a coin or rolling a dice.

You have to make the decision- and live with the ramifications.

Jealousy

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love.

 I am not going to lie i get jealous all the time.
longing for another persons attributes/ appearance/ skills/ talents/ personality... and the list goes on.

But jealousy is conveyed as a negative feeling. But really when you think about it it really isn't given the next few facts.

1. Humans are selfish, it is instinct to want the best for ourselves. A friend once told me the safest place to sit in a car is behind the driver, because if the driver is about to collide into something, it is human reflect to protect themselves and move out the the past of the object, possibly putting the person in the passenger seat in danger- even if they don't mean to.  So we want the best for ourselves, however love for a person can override this, however you cannot ignore human instinct.

2. Social pressures of society are constantly pressuring us to be "perfect" or to be the "best" which is realistically unachievable- but we all strive for this common goal.  

3. Everyone is different with different attributes and talents, we live in a world where someone will always be "better than you" and you can only strive to be your best.

So given those 3 conditions how can an individual NOT become jealous?

When we all strive for perfection we don't have- as we pick out faults within ourselves, observing those who do not obtain those faults as we long to fix our faults- to be better, as we are blinded and dont see other peoples faults. So in our mind they are closer to perfect than we are, when realistically they are not.

When we have these aspirations to be another- this isnt jealousy- but admiration.

Admiration: Wonder mingled with approbation or delight; an emotion excited by a person or thing possessed of wonderful or high excellence

As we admire the illusion that they are closer to perfection than ourselves.

I like you, you smell nice :)

Everyone loves a pleasant smell =) Hence why theres a billion dollar industry producing perfumes and deodorants.

This about all the scented product sont he market these days

- Perfume / Cologne

- Deo

- Soap

- Cream

- Chapstick

- Scratch and sniff stickers

- Car fresheners

- Air fresheners

All products to make things smell better. 

There is something Ive noticed.....

Girls like guys deo

Guys like Girls deo

Crazy aye? I think it one of those " The other side of the fence is greener" Because i personally think they both smell nice =)

I tend not to notice other people smells much... except Victoria OMG SHE SMELLS NICE! ahahahaha =D

Smell you laterr ^^

Hello _______.

Recently theres something Ive noticed, that i find really touching. It may seem insignificant, but to me, i actually DO notice it and it means a lot.

It is when someone addresses you by name. Either saying hello, goodbye or anything really =)

So on msn theres a difference when someones like

"Heyy"

Vs

"Heyy Lauren :)"

1. thew smiley face is cute

2. by typing my name on the end, it shows what when they are talking about that they are really talking to me and didn't make a "mistake" and thought they were talking to someone else.

3. Honestly we are such a  lazy generation and i am touched they are bothered to type an extra 6 letters just to greet me =)

So next time don't forget the little things that can make another person happy, =)

Home Sweet home.

Today, the rain was falling around me, as the clouds covered the sky. matching my hideous mood. As i walked up the hill to school, letting all the things in the world upset me, everything from the weather to the annoyance of my old, yet reassuring school shoes. I began to avoid people i knew.friends. Just to avoid having to "pretend" everything was ok, not wanting to use the energy to smile to be happy. Everything buzzed pasted me as i felt melancholy, letting nothing effect me. Id let all the things that upset me run over and over again in my head, just so i would be more upset.

My eyes so heavy and tired, from the sleepless night before. A night filled with disturbing dreams, occurring simultaneously one after another. Then i was force to sing, something i enjoy doing, was suddenly something i hated.

I stared to the front emotion less mouthing the words, even though i knew the words, the tune, the rhythm, but i didn't even bother trying. I heard the music around me, but it sounded like white noise. Just another annoyance in my life. I was forced to mouth the words "Oh Happy day" the opposite to what i felt. Tears would fill my eyes as i would wipe them away, and blame it on my lack of sleep but i knew it wasn't that.

The day continued with much indifference, where every subject seems more boring than the next.

Until. until something changed.

Until something lifts you from that dark, dark place, where you can just slowly climb out of that ever so deep well.

So yes, i escaped that dark hole, that place of sadness, and found a new place a place with friends and love.

A place where i am determined to stay. 

Silver Lining

Sometimes it takes something absolutely awful to find out who your true friends are <3

<\3

When Life gives you lemons.

And squeezes out all the juice, and forces you to drink it till your eyes water, and your tongue stings.

When the acids is rubbed into your eyes and any open wounds.

You surround your self with friends.
Friends filled with love, sugar and water.

To make those tears go away
To make your tongue stop stinging.

To turn lemons to lemonade

To be your Saviour your AID.

To remind you, life might just be worth living.

Gossip Girl my life

I'd like to make reference to my absolutely favorite show gossip girl <3>

From this..... to....

This?

Now im not implying im like jenny humphrey =____= But this winter my wardrobe was more leaning towards that ares, with leather jackets, shorshorts and patterned stockings.

But now ts spring soon to be summer, there should be a change...
So i was much inspired by the temporary gossip girl character Eva Coupeau
With her pure innocence and optimism.

I admit she is not my favorite character since that is taken by CHUCK BASS <3 but however i DO LOVE her sense of fashion.

The pastel coloured high waisted shirts =) So i think this summer im going to go under a conversion
Get ready for Lauren in high wasted SKIRTS!

Summer a new season- new clothes <3

TIK -TOK

Time 
–noun  
the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.

I WAS a strong believer in age sets no limits.

Until two nights ago i had a dream.. or rather a nightmare..

Im sitting on my computer, and i look on "their" facebook profiles, an endless stream of posts form people i don't know in a  language i can not comprehend.I then proceed to "create an event" and i invite "them", only to have them comment on the page asking who i was.

I woke up after that, scared, disorientated, with what appeared to be tears in my eyes.

This could be a combination of my worry, and also for my fb deprivation ( 6 days and counting without facebook)

So maybe age does set limits, even a year or two. 

"They" have finished their HSC, relaxing and enjoying life- and i hope to join them once the summer holidays start. This is all good, but what happens when "they" join university? When they become consumed in their new lives?

Where does this leave me? still left in school, with what will probably seem like with my insignificant worries.

It is true that i have lost quite  few friends over the years, but that was due to a mutual distancing whether it was to do with physical location, interests or opinions. But what if i keep holding on to what "they" want to let go. 

Time- truly evil

I guess time will only tell what will happen.....

So i may as well as enjoy the time i have now. 

Nothing.

Disappointment... a vital part of life experienced by everyone.

There were a few things in life, some bigger than others, but they were my goal. if you don't know me well enough i tend not to set goals, because i don't know if i could bear the disappointment. Yes i am weak. 

So there a few things that Ive striven for.. the amount of effort....

And today one small disappointment made me just wan tot cry... over basically nothing.

Disappointment is one of my many evils.

So don't set goals

Dont believe

And maybe then you wont be disappointed like i was ever so many times. 

You Have One New Message

I hope you know each text you send to me means the world, 

The ones as i wakes up

The ones as i fall asleep

The ones when im happy

The ones when im sad

The ones about your life

The ones about my life

The ones that make me cry

The ones that make me smile

The ones you send when your bored

The ones you send when your busy

Just a little message so that i know you are missing me as much as im missing you   ♥.

Have credit?

Send a text to a friend ~  Be their sunshine for the day ^^

Lliteracy .

When you say words it hurts. 

When you don't say words it hurts.

When you say the wrong words it hurts.

When you say the right words it hurts.

When you say "those" words it hurts.

When you say my words it hurts.

When you say anything it hurts.

But when you say "I love you" you make me forget that I was ever hurting.

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Well recently Ive been quite into Tumblr....

 so in the future you will see a lot of my images form there ^^

Untitled.

I keep telling my self lies, and repeat and repeat them... until i forget they are lies and believe they are the truth. All to distract myself from you.

But then once i talk to you- i realised I'm living in a lie.

Just to get over you.

MY BUBBLES!

A good friend told me "Cherish your childhood" 

Then i began to reflect on my own childhood~ Like when did things get to complicated? when did we become concerned with organisation and social norms?

 The simple joys of childhood. The happiness.

So now, why be so serious all the time? This got me thinking..... I STILL love bubbles~ childish i know- but aren't we all still children at heart? Sure we put on a hard exterior and "say" we are grown up but really, we still find joy in the things that made us happy when we were young.

Now everything we do/ say/ buy - we consider the "cause" and "effect", but why? can't we do things anymore just because.... we feel like it? 

Cartoons, Toys, bubbles~ such simplistic ideas but so much carefree joy.

“Our whole life is but a greater and longer childhood”

-  Benjamin Franklin

Bubbles- just watching them float effortlessly in the air as they reflect rainbow colours- the variation in size with their glossy reflection and transparent nature~ as you see them get carried by the wind only to fall to the ground and "pop" Simplistically Stunning. 

Now time dominates lives, we forget, what used to be....

I remember when i would get so excited from Christmas- so excited that i wouldn't sleep all night ^^ to excited to sleep =D and i would get up at the first crack of dawn to open my presents and listen to Christmas carols.. Now Christmas is like a regular day no different to the next :/

So don't forget the simple pleasures in life those of ice-cream/ Disney films/ and BUBBLES!

Childhood is the most beautiful of all life's seasons

Some call it immaturity, I call it Happiness ♥.

You pretty betch :P

I'M A BITCH!

- Every girl can be a bitch.

- Every girl has a natural urge to bitch.

- Every girl has bitchy thoughts.

- Every girl can be selfish.

I'M A GOOD FRIEND!

- Every girl can become a good friend.

- Every girl ahas a normal urge to love.

- Every girl has loving thoughts. 

- Every girl can be considerate.

Now you choose your destiny~

BOO! did i scare you?

I would firstly like to apologize for the latest blog drought :/ i wasn't feeling inspired the last few days and when i tried to "force" a blog it just did not work out >.<

So 2 days ago was Halloween, i don't really celebrate it but its a time where you scare others with costumes and masks. So this got me thinking what do i fear most. If you asked me this question 10 years ago i would have said the dark/ zombies/ ghosts/ my mum (my mum still scares me now). However over the years i have acquired some knowledge and hence no longer scared of these trivial ideas.  I then complied a list of the things i fear most....

1. Love with its many ramifications

2. Growing up

3. Failure

LOVE

So love... it terrifies me on so many levels. There are a selected few in the world that i love, and this scares me the feeling of vulnerability. Where if they left my life... My world would come crumbling down. How they control my future/ emotions. 

An other thing that is more of a sub heading to this is kissing :3 ( Obviously this applies to the love between your other half) . But todays i was having a DnM and discussing KISSING =) because yes  ihaveneverbeenkissed *coughs* hehehehehe so ANYWAYS!~ I have seen in it real life, in movies and stuff like that, but never experienced it. AND WITH 100% HONESTY from people who have experienced it, i haven't had the most positive feedback >.o<

I also have never felt heart break, but the number of blogs/novels/songs all on heartbreak makes me scared, im not sure if i would survive the whole ordeal. 

Growing Up

Having to look after myself? standing alone. No one to help me.... Sometimes i want to fly to never-land~ and remember the times of primary school =) with weekly spelling tests and colouring in projects ^^ the simplicity <3 heehee ="D">spontaneous lollies was like..... SO GREAT like it would be soooo yummy and the amount of joy <3>

Failure

Not to sound boastful, but so far with my 16 yrs and 9 months on this earth i am happy whit my achievements. But lately it seems like there is so much i need to do and i must succeed in everything

- Friendship
- School academics
- Health/ fitness
- Religion
- Social Justice

All these things i must "succeed" but what if i dont? what if i fail one of them? Some on them there is no "retest" 

What is it that all these experiences have in common?

They are all yet to be experienced they are all the Unknown.

So I fear what i dont know.....

But if i did not experience the "unknown" i wouldn't have met you and fallen in love, so maybe this is just a roller coaster. I maybe scared at first but once its over, you wonder why you even considered not going on it. 

Fear - not something to dred or thing negatively towards, But something you should look forward to, where you can experience new things, meet new people, feel new emotions.

I was once scared, but i did it anyways, then the most wonderful thing walked into my life, and now i fear what would have happened if i had never done it.