depression.

For the past 2.5 weeks since school started Ive been feeling very depressed everyday. . . For a number of reasons.

1. My midcourse exam marks were crap =___= and i don't think my effort was rewarded
2. I didn't do enough work in the holidays
3. I have no money
4. its so cold
5. Missing youjee <3
6. Parents arent being very understanding
7. SO MUCH WORK TO DO
SO many future choices to worry about
8. the prospect of having no holidays till after HSC (nov 2nd)
9. and next week the last time ill see my love for a month (at least) :(

SO every morning im been waking up laterrr and going FUUCKKKK =___= when i realize what a crappy day its going to be :( and randomly crying when the slightest thing goes wrong.

Before i used to make my self get out of bed because i dont want to be late for school. . .  but now i dont even care anymore :(

Ive contemplated why all this crap is happening to me. . .  since 2010 was such a good year for me. . . .  and Ive thought about my actions and my sinns- think god is punishing me  . .  but i know the lord doesn't punish- but he thought is lingering.

But today i slowly crawled out of the hole - i cant say im myself again , but better slightly :) and i hope everyday i get better and better. . . . .

And thankyou to BILL ZHANG and CAROLYN LOH who have been shining rays of light in my darkest days, cheering me up <3

I love you .