night calling

Id say talking on the phone at night is one of my hobbies :)

I miss its so much , i lie in bed hoping tonight wont be another disappointment, but it is.

I hope one day I just dont care anymore, that its no longer important to me, and i can just forget it.

Its one of those habits/ideologies i just have to let go. . . .

But i hope you know im giving it up for you. . .

Because thats what love is.

the bucket is beginning to empty

"You are having your girls day tomorrow, I don't know what that means, you just go do whatever you want, go see guys, watch movies with them, and when you want to go watch shopping then you call me out, and I have to come"

wow. I cant believe you said that to me.

How could you? I stayed up for you because i wanted to make sure that you got home alright, because thats what love is.

Instead you act annoyed about how things didn't go to plan , and then you say THAT to me.

1. You dont "have" to come to anything , like how I dont "have" to be your girlfriend, but I was in Chatswood thats like 4 stops from Gordon, waiting. . . . and you were going out in a  couple of hours anyways. . . . Im sorry that was such a large effort for you? Im sorry you didn't wanna see me? Im sorry I was stupid enough to think you wanted to come

If everything is such an effort for you , why are you even here, do you even care? because if all your feelings were true, all these smalls things should be effortless, a decision you wouldn't even have to think about.

2. I never went on a movie with 'him' because I knew it bothered you so instead I rejected a friend, and saw it with you , and I have zero regrets

3. You have no right to say that to me. I respect you enough to see whoever you want, i give you the freedom i know you need, because I dont want to hold you back. I trust you , so I don't feel jealous.

Today Lisa asked me why I liked you I said
" Because  Max is happy to let me do my things , while im happy to give him freedom and let him do his"

But maybe this is all one sided, where you feel you are always doing things "my way".

After all this you way think im over analyzing and you were just tired and annoyed and those words slip out. .. .

No.

They dont just slip out, I will not tolerate being spoken to in that manner. Regardless of your mood, because there will be many occasions in the future where you will be annoyed/upset. All I tried to do was cheer you up, make you happy. But instead you just hurt me.

----------------------------------------------------------

I used the analogy a while back that a relationship is like  a bucket, at th beginning it starts full, and slowly after fights/ disappointment/ cheating/ lies the bucket empties until theres no water left, which is the end of the relationship.

As each tear rolls down my cheek tonight i know that water is spilling out of that bucket.

Wish List

A List of crap im gonna save up for and eventually buy HAHAHAHA

1. Marc Jacobs watch 
http://shop.davidjones.com.au/djs/en/davidjones/shoes-accessories/MarcByMarcJacobs/amy-watch-5474-601252--1
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/MARC-BY-MARC-JACOBS-WOMEN-MEDIUM-36mm-POLISHED-STEEL-CRYSTALS-MBM3140-/110971529369?pt=Wristwatches&hash=item19d66b2899

http://www.marcjacobs.com/marc-by-marc-jacobs/watches/mbm3146/mini-amy-bracelet-26mm?sort=

I dunno if ebay might be a bit dodge :/ and i want the 26mm T^T someone please fly to america for me ?

2. Marc Jacobs Necklace 

http://www.marcjacobs.com/marc-by-marc-jacobs/womens/jewelry-and-hair-accessories/m3pe533/enamel-disc-pendant?sort=

Does anyone know where to get this in AUS? :/


3. New phone 

Nexus 4 please :D gotta wait so long :(

4. Pandora Charms

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790385/subcat/28

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790997EN29/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790361/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790566/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790132P/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790517P/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

5. a winter Michael Khors/ Oroton bag 
http://www.michaelkors.com/p/MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-Hamilton-Satchel-VIEW-ALL-HANDBAGS/prod9280003_cat3003_cat8501_/?index=59&cmCat=cat000000cat8501cat3003&isEditorial=false

6. Gucci Bracelet

http://www.gucci.com/au/styles/311096J84008106#

Im such a brand whore LOL


LOL im going to be so broke after this :/ the savings might be worth while to take a trip to the US LOL