night calling

Id say talking on the phone at night is one of my hobbies :)

I miss its so much , i lie in bed hoping tonight wont be another disappointment, but it is.

I hope one day I just dont care anymore, that its no longer important to me, and i can just forget it.

Its one of those habits/ideologies i just have to let go. . . .

But i hope you know im giving it up for you. . .

Because thats what love is.

the bucket is beginning to empty

"You are having your girls day tomorrow, I don't know what that means, you just go do whatever you want, go see guys, watch movies with them, and when you want to go watch shopping then you call me out, and I have to come"

wow. I cant believe you said that to me.

How could you? I stayed up for you because i wanted to make sure that you got home alright, because thats what love is.

Instead you act annoyed about how things didn't go to plan , and then you say THAT to me.

1. You dont "have" to come to anything , like how I dont "have" to be your girlfriend, but I was in Chatswood thats like 4 stops from Gordon, waiting. . . . and you were going out in a  couple of hours anyways. . . . Im sorry that was such a large effort for you? Im sorry you didn't wanna see me? Im sorry I was stupid enough to think you wanted to come

If everything is such an effort for you , why are you even here, do you even care? because if all your feelings were true, all these smalls things should be effortless, a decision you wouldn't even have to think about.

2. I never went on a movie with 'him' because I knew it bothered you so instead I rejected a friend, and saw it with you , and I have zero regrets

3. You have no right to say that to me. I respect you enough to see whoever you want, i give you the freedom i know you need, because I dont want to hold you back. I trust you , so I don't feel jealous.

Today Lisa asked me why I liked you I said
" Because  Max is happy to let me do my things , while im happy to give him freedom and let him do his"

But maybe this is all one sided, where you feel you are always doing things "my way".

After all this you way think im over analyzing and you were just tired and annoyed and those words slip out. .. .

No.

They dont just slip out, I will not tolerate being spoken to in that manner. Regardless of your mood, because there will be many occasions in the future where you will be annoyed/upset. All I tried to do was cheer you up, make you happy. But instead you just hurt me.

----------------------------------------------------------

I used the analogy a while back that a relationship is like  a bucket, at th beginning it starts full, and slowly after fights/ disappointment/ cheating/ lies the bucket empties until theres no water left, which is the end of the relationship.

As each tear rolls down my cheek tonight i know that water is spilling out of that bucket.

Wish List

A List of crap im gonna save up for and eventually buy HAHAHAHA

1. Marc Jacobs watch 
http://shop.davidjones.com.au/djs/en/davidjones/shoes-accessories/MarcByMarcJacobs/amy-watch-5474-601252--1
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/MARC-BY-MARC-JACOBS-WOMEN-MEDIUM-36mm-POLISHED-STEEL-CRYSTALS-MBM3140-/110971529369?pt=Wristwatches&hash=item19d66b2899

http://www.marcjacobs.com/marc-by-marc-jacobs/watches/mbm3146/mini-amy-bracelet-26mm?sort=

I dunno if ebay might be a bit dodge :/ and i want the 26mm T^T someone please fly to america for me ?

2. Marc Jacobs Necklace 

http://www.marcjacobs.com/marc-by-marc-jacobs/womens/jewelry-and-hair-accessories/m3pe533/enamel-disc-pendant?sort=

Does anyone know where to get this in AUS? :/


3. New phone 

Nexus 4 please :D gotta wait so long :(

4. Pandora Charms

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790385/subcat/28

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790997EN29/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790361/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790566/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790132P/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

http://www.pandora.net/en-au/explore/products/charms#!790517P/subcat/11,13,14,12,28/metal/05,04,11,06/sort-by/pl

5. a winter Michael Khors/ Oroton bag 
http://www.michaelkors.com/p/MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-Hamilton-Satchel-VIEW-ALL-HANDBAGS/prod9280003_cat3003_cat8501_/?index=59&cmCat=cat000000cat8501cat3003&isEditorial=false

6. Gucci Bracelet

http://www.gucci.com/au/styles/311096J84008106#

Im such a brand whore LOL


LOL im going to be so broke after this :/ the savings might be worth while to take a trip to the US LOL

Thought of you

Today I opened my 2011 Diary, ans i thought of you.

There were so many memories of us there. . . .
There was that drawing you did, the one of the fish eating me .

I remembered how happy that drawing made me.

I see your timetable glued into the back of my diary.

But I close the book.

They were lovely memories . . . .

that is all.

The Rebound.

We'll heres my first attempt at resuming blogging >__<

So the rebound.

A rather negative term, reckless even.

Linked to the stupid, heartbroken and selfish.

So what is a rebound?
"the kind of relationship that's simply happening in order to get over one that recently ended"

How do you know if you are rebounding?
This is one question Ive asked myself many times and here is what ive come up with . . .

A little quiz to see if you are rebounding
1. has it been less than 3 months since your last break up
2. Were you the person "dumped"
3. Do you compare your current partner to your previous?
4. Is your current partner your first " opportunity"

If you answer "yes" to more than one of those , i guess rebounding could be a reality.

However. . . . .

From previous stories and experiences, most commonly it is the GIRL who gets into a new relationship faster.

Why? Simple. answered by simple courtship.

Men approach women, so if a charming, handsome guy asks you on a date, who would say no?
However men need the emotional stability and courage to approach a girl.

So that explains that trend.

So the bottom line , how do you really know?
you don't.

But this is how i look at it . . . .
I always think to myself , would i be happier if i was with someone else atm, not necessarily your ex, but anyone any other guy you may know. If you answer is no , i believe you've made the right choice

Like i have <3 p="p">

Inspire

lately Ive been thinking of starting up a nail blog ?

But im not sure :( because it will be so noobish compared to the super pro ones out there. . . .

Friend Theory

Everyone in their teenage years, develop or have an event that changes them that makes each individual create their own "friend outlook" . These vary depending on personality and experience.

But everyone devises several methods of how. . . .


1. How they make friends

Some will refuse to approach people, and let people come to them to seek friendship, while others will go out to meet friends and go out of their way to meet new people

My outlook : I go and look for friends and approach people, because this way i can be assured that i have not missed meeting a possible best friend in the future, and theres nothing wrong with being friendly even if you never see that person again. However this can have negative effects such as people using you, and not making any real close friends.

2. How they place friends in importance

Friends like nay aspect in life take up time, the more time you give the more friends- simple concept yes. SO the "popular" people dedicate a lot of time and effort to their friends

My outlook: While i do place friends on high importance, i don't really spend that much time on them, i go to outings, but only talk to a few people regulatory on msn or phone. But if they really need me ill be there for them.

3. How much they trust friends

Some friends spill their secrets or some never divert the conversation on their personal lives and focus more on their friends.

My outlook: My trust is hard to earn, several events in my life have made if difficult for me to trust people. . . so very few people know my deepest thoughts VERY FEW. .. .  and i often don't let a single person know EVERYTHING. except my special someone

4. How many friends they have

Some see if there is a "click" and if not the friendship is dropped, while other continue to put in effort to continue the relationship even if it requires a large amount of effort hence having a large amount of friends.

My outlook: IF i don't get along very well with someone, ill still respect thema nd help them out, but i wont open myself to them they wont know my inner thoughts.


5. What they expect from their friends.

Some expect them to talk ot them all the time, or if they call them out to the city for them to come out straight away, while other want nice gifts and lots of long chats over coffee.

My outlook: I dont think i expect too much from friends, i want them to listen when i have something i really need to say, and make some effort to see me when they can, and maybe something small for my birthday.

So what is your Friendship Outlook?

and just remember it might not be the same as your friends. . . .

Twilight

So if you're a twilight hater screw you , i like it! im not a crazy fanatic but something about those movies makes me excited and i never want it to end.

Anyways today i watch breaking dawn part 1, and it made me contemplate several things and the inner workings of the female mind, and i reflected on the thing sin the movie that made me cry and smile.

1. Let girls win, Its strange but us girls find so much satisfaction in "winning" , just being irresponsible or plain difficult, but having the guy say okay, and give in makes us happy, i cant describe it. . . its not ebcuase we really WANT it our way, i think its more of a power play thing. it can be about the most stupid things. . . like where to eat or what icecream to buy.

2. How easy it is to get "convinced" by your other half , they can convince you and make you believe the most stupid things, and when things go wrong you're left in a mess, because we all want to live in a world of make believe

3.When something goes wrong, girls dont want guys to stress, or think it through of the most logical explanation or get as much help as possible, we're silly and just want them to hold us and say it will be okay. . .  not try find a solution, we need them there for us.

I gathered this from the film that so many people seem to hate :( these are all generalizations ofc and dont apply to all girls.

Ive decided im going to watch the last twilight mnovie in the cinema, i dont care if i have to watch it alone, or fly to brisbane to watch it wiht my bestie , im watching it!