when you're sad
there are always cup cakes. . .

LOL jks i have none. . .  i have cups though. . . . .

so today just sucked .

you and me

the fact is you're stronger, more determined are wiser

and im just the stupid lamb,

that will get slaughtered .

that was it

got to hate how time changes things :(

Drugs...

Im such an addict. . . waiting 20 minutes for my next drug fix D:

Inner conflicts

Well yes ive neglected my blog for a  long time and opted to tumblr >.< SORRY~ but i gave away my tumblr password because im meant to be studyingg :/

But sighh :( i just need ot vent somethings beucase atm i feeel i have no one to tell , so i have to tell cyber space filled with randoms who probably dont care- but jhey better than no one?

Well today is last day of term..... :/ entering holidays filled with STUDY =_____= funfunfun.

but here are some of the things that have been floating in my head. . . .
1. HSC changes people
I see people changing because of HSC not everyone but lots of people are , like OFC everyone is studying harder but apart from that, peoples attitudes and behavior is changing. Sadly i dont liek these changes, i can feel one of bestest friends changing... difting :( and i dont know what to do i miss her :(  why does HSC ahve to do this to people? My friends also say I've changed, so much to tthe point that they have confronted me asking whats wrong, when really theres ntohgin wrong. But i feel myself changing, i dont excited as easily, and if i am i keep it reserved, and i feel no need to contribute in 'useless' conversations about movies or whatever becuase i just cant eb botherd. SO i zone out on my own thoughts thinking abotu school and other sutff in my life. . . the important stuff to me.

2. My brothers been gone 2 weeks now.
I haven't spoken to him at all, but im so engrossed in my own life atm, i dont even notice, and it makes me feel selfish and self centered, that i dont even miss him at all, i dont have an urge to text/ email him... and im his only sibling. Maybe Im just heartless and lazy.

3. Self discipline
While my most recent marks back havent been devastating they aren tthat great, and i find my self saying "ill study hard for trails." It feels everyone around me si liek "OH YOU HAVE TO STUDY, ITS YOUR HSC!" NO CRAP SHERLOCK !!!!!! IVE SPENT THREE TERMS LEARNING ALL THIS STUFF =____= and then i just get pissed off and don't want to work. great. just great.

4. Fun
I haven't had good fun for a long time, ive turned down to go to the movies today, i just want to go out and have fun. I have  party on Sunday , but i cant go that crazy, because i dont want my boyfriend to worry, and also i dont trust myself and id not want to do something ill regret or say something i dont mean. So yeahh im not sure how much fun ill have :/

7. Laziness
 I haven't talked to best friend for over a month, and i feel myself neglecting her :( but when she tries to talk to me im SOOO BUSY or just dont have the time and i really don't want us to drift apart :( but im scared we will :(

6. Is it possible to love TOO much?
Because at this moment i think it is very possible, and its happening to me right now. I can see myself increasing my dependence on them, becoming increasingly and increasingly clingy. With the strong feels comes intense concentrated emotions, so when things dont go EXACTLY how you expect, all these emotions hit you at once, and you feeel like crap , when you blow tiny things out of proportion, to the point you make both of you unhappy.sigh. what do i do? :( is it possible to unlove a little?

note: sorry of the typos, i left them in so represent the inner confusion of my mind, if you dont understand DW its my pointless ramblings anyways.

thanks for your time